Since marriage is the first institution established by God, and is the foundation of human society, I believe the ideal marriage is the marriage that conforms perfectly to God's intentions for marriage when He first established it. Fortunately, we are not left to wonder or guess about His plan for marriage. He has given us a very clear and detailed pattern for marriage in His Word. The description of the ideal marriage that follows is entirely based on that pattern as I understand it.
It is unlikely that any marriage in human history has fully measured up to the pattern for marriage we find in God's Word. To do so would require that both parties to the marriage had attained to spiritual perfection. But a Christian marriage should bear a strong resemblance to that pattern, and should be continually conforming more closely to that pattern as the years pass. The goal, or "ideal" should never be set aside to settle for somethingless.
It is not possible that any marriage could conform to the Biblical pattern apart from a constantly growing knowledge of the Word of God, a deep commitment to the Lordship of Jesus Christ expressed in loving obedience to His revealed will, and complete submission to the indwelling Holy Spirit on the part of both husband and wife. The ideal marriage is Christ-centered. The husband and wife both recognize that their purpose is to glorify God in every aspect of their lives. The Christian marriage should be a testimony to God's love and grace and power. It should be a channel through which God's love is shown to others. It should point others to Christ and His love.
The Bible says that in marriage a man and a woman become one flesh. This is a mystical union that is not fully understood. There is a permanent emotional and psychological bonding of personalities that takes place by means of the sexual union. Whenever a man and woman engage in sexual intercourse an emotional bonding occurs, instilling in both parties a sense of responsibility and commitment toward one another. This is why extramarital sexual activity is a particularly dangerous and horrible sin. It introduces emotional conflicts of interest that strongly affect one's personality, emotional stability, and future happiness. (See Gen. 2:24; Mt. 19:5-6; Mk. 10:8; Eph. 5:31; 1 Cor. 6:15-16) In the ideal marriage husband and wife view themselves as one person. Each is fully aware that what he/she does to the other is done to himself/herself. (See Eph. 5:28-29)
Because of the one-flesh bonding that occurs through sexual intercourse (along with other considerations), God requires that sexual intimacy be limited to marriage. There are two primary kinds of love mentioned in the Bible; "phileo," or affectionate love (sometimes combined with "adelphos" [brother] and rendered "brotherly love"), and "agape," or unconditional love (as seen in God's love for sinners). Both kinds of love should be strong and growing stronger in the ideal marriage. These two kinds of love should also be strong and growing stronger in family and Christian relationships, but sexual intimacy must be confined to marriage alone. The Bible condemns sexual promiscuity and limits sexual intercourse to marriage. The ideal marriage would involve the union of a man and woman who have remained virgins until the time of their marriage, and who then remain sexually faithful to one another as long as both are living. Although there is forgiveness and spiritual healing in Christ for those who have failed to meet that standard, permanent scars of a psychological (and sometimes physical) nature will remain as a consequence of such sin. God has declared that adulterers have no place in His Kingdom. (See Mal. 3:5; 1 Cor. 6:9; Heb. 13:4; 1 Thess. 3:12; 1 Pet. 1:22; 1 Jn. 3:14-16)
According to the Bible, the human need for companionship was one of God's primary considerations when he first established the institution of marriage. The enjoyment of companionship is, of course, greatly enhanced in marriage by the one-flesh miracle resulting from the sexual union. For this reason, no other human relationship can satisfy the need for companionship as fully as marriage. The husband and wife in an ideal marriage will want to be together as much as possible. They will learn to develop similar interests and to enjoy doing similar things so they can do them together. They will seek in every way to strengthen and develop both "agape" and "phileo" love, along with sexual intimacy, so that they will increasingly experience delight and joy in companionship with one another. Other people we love may be described as "best friends" but marriage partners ought not to be merely "friends;" they are to be "one flesh." (See Gen. 2:18-25; Song of Solomon)
Although God has given husbands and wives widely differing roles in marriage, He has made it very clear that both parties, and their roles, are of equal value and importance to Him. The husband and wife are independently responsible to fullfill the roles God has defined for them. The failure of one to obey God in no way justifies the disobedience of the other. In the ideal marriage both husband and wife have given up their separate identities and self-interests and now view themselves as one flesh. They recognize the perfect equality that exists between them. (1 Pet. 3:7)
God has made provisions, not only for "brethren," but also for husbands and wives to dwell together in unity. The ideal Christian wife loves her husband and focuses all of her efforts on serving and pleasing him. She teaches the younger women, by her example and also by instruction, to honor God by loving their husbands. She is obedient to him in all things. She is submissive to him in everything. She consistently demonstrates a meek and quiet spirit of reverence (honor and respect) toward him. She understands and willingly accepts that she must relate to him with the same reverential, obedient attitude the Church is commanded to maintain toward Christ. The Bible declares that God made man first, and then made woman to be a companion and a suitable help for him. This in no way implies superiority of the man, but it does define the God-ordained chain of authority and accountability within a marriage. The ideal wife sees her role in life as complementary to that of her husband. She looks for ways to help him accomplish the spiritual and material goals he has established for them. She is industrious. She is committed to do only good to him; never evil. She is completely faithful to him, and completely loyal. If all the world turns against him, she will remain his loyal defender and supporter. (See Tit. 2:3-5; Eph. 5:22-33; 1 Pet. 3:1-6; 1 Tim. 2:9-15; Gen. 2:20-23; Prov. 31:10-31)
God has also given clear instructions in His Word about our relationships, as Christians, with others. We are to love family members. We are instructed to cultivate and perfect "agape" and "phileo" love in our relationships within the Body of Christ. There is, however, absolutely no place for intimacy of a sexual nature in any of our relationships apart from marriage. They must all be kept in absolute purity. The essence of the gospel is the restoration of relationships through our union with Christ. Whatever is appropriate in family relationships is appropriate within the family of God. We cannot love one another too deeply or with too much affection. We are instructed to increase and abound more and more in our love for one another. We must be ready to lay down our lives for one another. Love for the brethren is a test of our Christian profession. Love is the fulfilling of the Law. Love is the righteousness of the Law. Love is the character of God, and love is the mark of the true Christian. The ideal married couple loves brothers and sisters in the Body of Christ together, as one person, because they are indeed one flesh. This love for God's family will motivate them to loving ministry in the lives of other believers. Beautiful friendships, full of loving affection and purity, are possible and desirable within the family of God. (See 1 Tim. 5:1-2; 1 Thess. 3:10-4:11; 1 Jn. 3:14-16; 1 Jn. 3:9-16; Rom. 13:8-10; 1 Jn. 4:8; Eph. 5:1-16; 1 Pet. 1:22-23) In the same way, the ideal married couple will love unbelievers with the "agape" love of Christ, as one person, because they are indeed one flesh. It seems that "agape" is the only form of love that is appropriate in our relationship with unbelievers. There is no fellowship between light and darkness. This "agape" love will cause the ideally married couple to reach out as one in loving ministry to unbelievers as God provides opportunity. (See 2 Cor. 5:20-21; 2 Cor. 6:14-18)
The ideal marriage is the perfect expression of godliness. It can only be achieved when a man and a woman have individually entered into the life of Christ by faith. They must be totally committed, not only to each other, but to the Lordship of Jesus Christ, to the authority of God's Word, to the control and enablement of the Holy Spirit, and to compliance with God's revealed plan for marriage.